The Dead Part of You

So have you heard about the new Big Brother season yet? Anyway, it's like 16 strangers who the producers matched up as soulmates, probably based on the eHarmony quiz, but whatever. They're totally lying because two of them are already dating. I mean, they weren't even trying to hide it.

I was wrong about who the homos are. One of them is Joshuah, who only has the best bio ever:

He says he was a gay man who played straight growing up, playing football and having long term relationships with women. Things changed when he slept with his sister's cheerleading coach--ruining her cheering career--and claims that his family has never forgiven him.

I can't get enough of that. Seriously - I want every graphic detail.

A lot of the people on Big Brother have Myspaces. Remember that guy James I thought was gay? Anyway, here's from his myspace blog post titled "Drag, Gays, Tarantino":

11:20pm the clock blinked red, perfect time for the gay bar, as men tend to fuck, jack off, and or put fancy clothes on before going out....I mean there is dinner but thats so 97'. Once we get to the bar the Tranny at the door welcomes us with a disgusting glare. they tend to be territorial.

There's also lots of pictures of him in his underwear in his profile, which sounds hot but I assure you that actually, it isn't. WINTER OF THE COUGAR!!11!

I've been busy again at work this week, plus, I really want to introduce you to my new friends Michael and Vicki, but I'm not sure how. ANYWAY, remember how I went to an open casting call for Big Brother 9 last December? No? It's because I didn't write about it for fear it would hurt my chances.

It was partially exactly what I expected, and partially eye opening. What did I expect? To be glanced at and told "No thanks". What I got was glanced at, and they actually had the common decency to chat with me for 3 minutes before passing. And the suggestion that I might have better luck sending in a video and application direct to CBS.

What I didn't expect was the 90 minute wait that was really kind of uncomfortable, and made me re-evaluate the whole "I can be on Big Brother because I can sit around and be catty with the best of them" life goal. I mean, if I'm weirded out by standing in line and making small talk with strangers for an hour, there's no way I'm lasting in that house. Or any kind of endurance challenge.

Anyway, there were some really freaky disillusioned people there. People who had driven in from other states, and people on day pass from group homes. Here are the new contestants. At the casting call the Mary-In-Charge had a mouth on her that was just looking to get smacked - I prefer the Kathy Griffin approach of talking smack about strangers behind their back, or at least on the internet.

This year there's a whole Love Match theme or WHATEVER. I have three things to say about that before I call Comcast to order Showtime for Big Brother: After Dark.

1. Homo:


There's nine men and seven women so two of them have to be gay, right? My first vote is for Homeless James.

2. James! I think this is probably your love match!



3. If everyone has a love match, then what about this season's sole 45 year old? If last season was the SUMMER OF GONORRHEA, this time, it is THE WINTER OF THE COUGAR:


It also seals it. 2008 is the Year of the Cougar. They are finally WHITE HOT and coming into their own. RAWR!

Did I tell you I went to an open casting call for Big Brother last month? Yeah, it went slightly better than I expected. I expected them to look at me and just say no, however they were polite enough to make chit chat for 3 minutes first, with the parting advice that I'd be better off sending in a tape and application.

ANYWAY, Showtime is going to air Big Brother [insert sultry Julie Chen voice] After Dark again, and you know what? I am totally going to watch.

I caught the season premiere of Big Love on HBO last night [it was OK - I loves me some Nicki, word]. With my level of cable, one free pay channel package is included, but I almost never watch it. I can switch whenever, and it looks like whenever has arrived.

Balls! Last summer, I was pretty disappointed in the live feeds for a few reasons, one of which is mentioned in the linked article:

...allowing those who stare at tiny windows on their computers for three months to get a three-hour-a-day break...

So here's to watching my DVR fill up three hours at a time.

[In the middle of writing all that, I went to go find pictures of Nicki resulting in me playing the Big Love Board Game online for 20 minutes, which proceeded to crash my browser and then the whole PC.

I love Nicki because we could go compulsive shopping together AND manipulate people in the same afternoon.]