We're all screamin' Carolina

So Saturday was the big Out at the Lake day at Canobie Lake Park. It wasn't really because I'm pretty sure we were the only gay people there. We finally saw some lesbians by the log flume [they love a log flume] at about 9:30 PM but that was it. So everyone I forced to go with me thought I made the whole thing up.

Strangers, not lesbians

It was still hella-crowded with white trash. My car got there after 1, and they were parking people like a mile and a half away in an industrial park and bussing us over. It kinda hella-sucked.


We went on the rollercoaster which was kind of lame, mostly because it was the first time for me as an adult not on drugs. The rollercoaster is 63 feet high. It goes 35 miles per hour. Crackhead Tim sat by himself in the back seat and decided not to wear his seat belt and almost died, causing the Puerto Rican next to him to exclaim "Madre de Dios!" at the end of the ride. Additionally, we learned that rides based in centrifugal force really don't do much good at all for the 30+ set.


People were all lined up for the Cher extravaganza. At first it kind of felt like a circle of hell for musical theater majors, until I realized that one of the performers actually enjoyed being a back-up dancer to someone ["Brittany"] doing karaoke to Cher songs. That performer was Matt:


For real, we would have lined up to ride him. Abs into tomorrow.

Tummies feeling better, we waited in line for the 62 second Corkscrew. We know it was 62 seconds because Crackhead Tim borrowed the watch from the lady in front of us to time it. She threatened him with the removal of his limbs if he tried to steal it, the way a good biker chick should.


Night began to fall and conversation turned serious: Long discourses on the physics of Tilt-a-Whirl cars, and which one we should go for.


John and I ditched the Giant Sky Wheel, which pretty much seemed like an endless ride. The others indeed comfirmed that it is infinite, and the only way to get off of it is by bribing the attendants.


The Mine of Lost Souls was first transformed into "The Line of Lost Souls", then "The Mine of Girls Gone Wild", "The Mine of Golden Showers" and finally "The Mine of Extreme Anal Penetration" I'm pretty sure we're still in line for it. The ride had 0 payoff and totally should have been "The Mine of the Lost Episodes of Oz". That would have been worth the wait.


After that there were fireworks and more centrifuges and then Bumper Cars to finish the night. A good time was had by all but would I do it again? THE ANSWER IS NO. There were entirely too many people and screaming children. Flat rides are fun and all, but not $27 worth of fun. All the lines were out of control. I took tons of pretty pictures.

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